Best of the Bookfair

The YMCA's annual bookfair was this week, and I went on half price day. Although I was primarily volunteering, I also did a little shopping. While browsing, er, I mean working in the romance section, I came across a couple of wonders. I'm sorry I passed on the one with the plotline that included a 21st Century Scandal Magazine editor going back in time to marry a Plantagenet Prince (that tricky time space continuum always sends people back in time to England no matter where they were on the globe). She has to "invent" celebrity journalism centuries earlier to save his life (as if scandal on the nobility wasn't a huge source of news/entertainment in late medieval/early Renaissance Europe). Yes, that was the description on the back of the cover and somehow I passed it up. When I tried to find it later, I couldn't remember the title. However, I did find this amazing gem:

Sorry it's not turned around, but I'm in a hurry, and I think you can appreciate it just as well from this position.
The cover alone was so terrifically bad I had to have it. It wasn't until I got it home that I realized how incredibly bad this really is. Our cover boy is an actual person. From the inside flap:
"The Powerful Zebra Hero on the cover of this book is David Alan Johnson, winner in the "Under 40" division at the first annual Romance Cover Model Pageant, held at the Romantic Times Magazine in 1993 Booklovers Convention in San Diego...When asked why he wanted to appear on the cover of a book, David's reply was "to represent a man of honor and character." His debut appearance was painted by acclaimed romance illustrator Sharon Spiak, one of the judges of the contest."

This description goes on, but I gave you the highlights. A couple of questions spring to mind: 1. Is there and "Over 40" division? (Well, given the constant sub genres of the Romance Market, I'm sure there is.) 2. 1993? REALLY? Not 1983? Or 1979? 3. Who wakes up and says to himself "I should be on the cover of a romance book. I'm entering that contest!"?

I have no idea of the character was indeed a man of honor and character, because this is probably one of the few romance novels I was not able to finish. Usually, the bad ones are so very bad that they are very funny and most romances are really light reads so it's only a couple of hours of time at most. This one was so very bad, it was unreadable. But there was one additional tidbit, the author must have a St. Louis connection since it was dedicated to: "Charles Brennan, Kevin Horrigan, and Paul Grundhauser of the Mighty Mox KMOX Radio, St. Louis. They are the true heroes who would look great on the cover of any romance!". Of course nothing says sexy to me like KMOX Radio - and no I've never heard it called the Mighty Mox before, but anyway. Additionally the book does partly take place in St. Louis (as well as Egypt, England, and Boston) but that was too far in for me to stomach, so I have no idea if our fair city was well represented. Oh, and yeah, he's supposed to be a priest. Well, not actually a priest, because that would hamper the romance department, but he's posing as a priest. All the priests I know dress just like that.

In all, it was so worth the $0.25 I paid, but if anyone else is interested in reading "Heaven", I'd be happy to pass it on to you.